It’s time for a new article series here at the Spotlight. Advertisements can tell stories, too, you know. Sure, most stories are just about how awesome their product is (which in some cases is bigger fiction than any old James Bond movie) but it still qualifies. Barely, but let’s run with it. I can have fun too, you know.
There are all sorts of TV shows and websites dedicated to the best and funniest commercials, and I’ve seen a few that riff on advertisements for how silly or boring they are. However, there is one part of ads you don’t hear about. The bad ones. The ones that make you want to throw something at the television. The ones that would actually make you want to NOT use their products out of sheer protest, even if you were a fan of it before. We all have our despised, but this is MY blog, so let me tell you about…
That of course is Bob from the Enzyte ads. If I have to tell you WHY those ads need to die then we really don’t think the same way. So let’s talk about Slim Jims.
Slim Jims are spicy sticks of dried beef. Somehow, they marketed that as a snack for kids. Thumbs up for nutrition, I…guess. So how did they do it? With the best pitchman they could afford. Luckily, they afforded awesome in a jar of lightning.
Later, we got the Ultimate Warrior…
…which would be the first time he’s ever been easy to understand. Still, it lacked the awesome of the Macho Man!
Even the Warrior didn’t make you snap beef while fearing for your life the way Savage did. So how did Slim Jim follow up the Macho Ads?
They even used Savage saying the “snap into a Slim Jim” line. For this jerk! That’s not even the worse ad with the little snapper. But if you’ll pardon the pun, I can’t stomach going through any more ads trying to find it. I went through four more trying to find it, and just wanted to punch this guy in the face all over again.
But these commercials are already over with, you say? It couldn’t get worse than this? At least these made something resembling sense. Now we have the “Spicy Side” campaign and…well, just watch!
First off, what in the name of Chef Boyardee is a “spicy side”, and how does it manifest as a neanderthal action figure that goes on a rampage from eating spicy beef sticks? Does that make any kind of logic? Any? Oh, and these little micro-mes get into all sorts of trouble, even ruining a wedding. Because apparently a “spicy side” is something you can leave home. I didn’t find that one.
But the real reason the “spicy side” campaign is our first inductee into “Commercials That Need to DIE!” (Bob from Enzyte is so bad that it doesn’t have to be inducted, it’s practically a founding member) is THIS ad. You’ve all seen it. If you watched a video hosted at Blip, Veoh, Hulu, the Escapist, or any other site whose videos starts with an advertisement, you’ve seen this one.
It’s one of those ads that shows up at least once in everybody’s rotation, and if you watch a marathon from those sites, say a bunch of That Guy With The Glasses reviews, and then the fan bloggers? You will punch your monitor in frustration! Hunter Hemsley is no Randy Savage, and even Randy Savage couldn’t save this stupidity! In fact, let’s end with the good old days.
And I don’t even eat the darn things!