“Yesterday’s” Comic> Speed Racer: Chronicles Of The Racer #3

Sorry, comic. It’s too late to convince me this is a good Speed Racer story.

Speed Racer: Chronicles Of The Racer #3

IDW (March, 2008)

The henchmen are about to turn our heroes into cyborg-brained slaves. Yes, that is the plan. It will not matter for most of the story, but that is the plan. It is a really dumb plan. Then Spridle and Chim-Chim knock the amusing henchmen out and free everybody. Using the amulet without realizing. Speed brings in the Mach 5 to make their getaway. Racer X starts fencing some of the bad guys and this triggers this issue’s flashback….out of otherwise nowhere because the others have been Speed’s memories of reading the Chronicles but this just happens and takes up the rest of the book

This time, it’s dread pirate Reed Saber…really? We’re cyber-brain slaves to this gimmick are we? Oh, and Cruncher Block has an ancestor who stole something from Reed’s late father. That’s the second time one of Speed’s old foes have been referenced. (I don’t feel like going back to last issue to find other one.) So Reed takes it back and heads back to his ship, the Marque, along with Macy (who is secretly his old neighbor and love interest Tracy…this subplot is meaningless to this story by the way) the cabin boy. Filling out our Speed Racer cast is Uncle Poopdeck, a woman who I think is supposed to be his mom but never says anything or is even acknowledged by anyone, Swabby, who outfitted the ship and the captain’s sub, the…wait for it…Marque V, and no, I don’t know why they have subs in this period, and Scuttle and his parrot, Squak-Squak and I was so over this gimmick in the first issue. And Racer X’s doppelganger is coming. You know, this is funny on TV because the actors get to do something different. Here, the coincidences are getting on my nerves. Again I ask, do the same kinds of people keep popping up in every Racer’s life. Are they all reincarnations?

Then they’re attacked by a mechanical whale, and this at least works for me more than the mechanical dragon from last issue…but only because of Captain Nemo. The pilot is the Ghost Of The Deep, and yes, it’s the same guy (or doppelganger) as “Mercury” and the Grey Knight, as well as the guy watching Speed from the shadows in the first issue. He orders them away from his ocean but Scuttle accidentally fires a cannon at the thing, revealing a prisoner hanging from chains in the fake whale’s tail. Why is he there? Because they wanted to get Wretched Rex in this somehow, and the one-page teaser showing Reed and Rex sword-fighting wasn’t enough. Rex rescues Rex as our Ghost shows the medallion can be used to repair his ship. Of course Ghost soon realizes Reed is the current Racer and tries to get his amulet back, but Reed hits the “hit me here” light, like something you’d see in a video game because it has no other purpose I can see, and blows the ship up. Again, our villain dies rather than take the Racer’s aid. I want to nominate this miniseries for “biggest rut ever seen in a comic miniseries”. I really do.

Back in the present, our heroes find their escaped blocked by a Combiner Voltron of stolen cars demanding the amulet. And I have to admit…it’s kindacool. Hey, it’s the only positive thing I’ve had to say about this story. The teaser for next issue seems to be pointing to a car race in the Old West because you’ve got me. At least this thing is almost over.

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• “Yesterday’s” Comic> Speed Racer: Chronicles Of The Racer #1
• “Yesterday’s” Comic>Speed Racer: Chronicles Of The Racer #2