Are The G1 Transformers Too Stupid To Exist? [Part 2 of 2]

Yesterday we looked at Media Zealot’s takedown of the Decepticons and other threats to the Autobots. This time the Autobots and presumably their allies get their turn in the spotlight. And this is the G1 US cartoon exclusively. That’s not counting more recent things that bother me about the Autobots, like the caste system based on alternate modes when we know they can alter those modes whenever they want, or making the Autobots the bad guys and Optimus just the guy who was less evil than the guy whose slogan was “peace through tyranny” on the tech specs.

Despite having the supposed combined wisdom of the Autobots in his chest for the accessing, Optimus has made his own share of boneheaded decisions. I just know we’re about to hear about that time the Decepticons made a remote controlled duplicate of Optimus and somehow they thought having the two race in tractor trailer mode would help decide who was the real Optimus. Every Transformers fan brings that up for a reason. I’d also expect to see that time the humans so easily believed the Autobots were evil and Optimus didn’t come up with a solution to clear their name and instead left Earth to its fate, did nothing about Ark security, and has lost more to Laserbeak than he has Megatron.

Let’s see if I’m right in part of the The Transformers: Too Stupid To Exist. Prep yourself for the occasional cursing.

• Grimlock is a sad story. In season one and two you could blame how the Dinobots were created, but the writers made them dumb because they were dinosaurs. Grimlock’s speech patterns in later versions came from this show, but at least in the first two seasons he was a decent warrior. In season three he went so far into comic relief you’d think the brain system was decaying over time. Swoop is still my favorite Dinobot, though. I wish we saw more of him.
• I wonder if Media Zealot was referring to the actual real-world person who named himself Optimus Prime after he decided that the fictional character was more of a father than his actual father. I don’t remember the full story of why he didn’t get along with his father, but I do know he served in Operation: Desert Storm (or maybe Desert Shield) and was a firefighter, probably retired by now. With that kind of cred he can call himself Pretty Mary Sunshine for all I care. He’ll always be cooler than any of us.
• I don’t remember which episode the Ratchet and Ironhide moment was from, but as for Hound joking with Cliffjumper about not missing, that was a good comradery moment in context. Basically, it showed Hound forgave him for his rash and stupid act because they’re friends and he could tell Cliffjumper was honestly sorry about his mistake. It’s a good scene.
• If he thinks Optimus doesn’t show enough strength in the G1 cartoon, he should check out the comics. Even the Micromasters thought that working with humans would be a bright idea, as bad as the wrestling idea was. Optimus doesn’t want to drag the humans into “our war”, but they already are by nature of the Decepticons wanting to take over the planet and drain it of energy resources. They should have worked more with the humans, and the GI Joe crossover would have been a great time to start. And that’s just under Bob Budiansky as writer. He’s an absolute wimp under Simon Furman.
• The solar power tower turns out to actually be a problem because there is no way to protect it from Decepticons even when Grapple isn’t tricked (rather easily thanks to his own ego) into working with the Constructicons. It wasn’t defendable, which is where Grapple should have put efforts in next, maybe going to Wheeljack for help. If Wheeljack didn’t cause the thing to explode anyway. It’s Wheeljack. You know it would happen.
• The “protecting profit margins” is a bit overblown. That’s the resources the Decepticons went after. The humans already did the heavy lifting and the Decepticons come in and just take their hard work. Megatron did go after other power sources, like the Earth’s core or the power tap in the Andes that Skyfire was awakened to play taxi to, with the Autobots going to stop those attacks. No profit margin there.
• You could blame the bad shooting on being a kids show or needing to continue promoting those toys, but that doesn’t make it any less silly when you examine the show. I’m not going to fault him for bringing that up. I will, however, note that the designs of the vehicle modes, and thus their bodies, were the result of not wanting to create another batch of character models for only a few minutes of the pilot. Starscream and the Seekers should look more like triangles back on Cybertron. Optimus’ party was probably also primarily stocked with seekers of energy resources rather than a squad of warriors, so their alternate modes and skill set would primarily be set towards that, with a few warriors as security. Instead they got Megatron’s group. I also think there are limits what new form they can take, which is why Autobots and Decepticons alike had new modes that matched their old ones (although Soundwave puts a flaw into that theory).
• To be fair to the “fire retardant foam”, the Decepticons treat it as a serious threat and run off. So it must be more than putting out fires.
• Did you have to drop the “incel” thing? (Especially after following with two sex jokes?) Transformers don’t have sex, so why would they care? Yes, I know who he meant, but it’s an insult that is still recent and needs to go back where it came from until they can figure out how to use it right. They’re the same people who misuse “Nazi”, so I can’t say I’m surprised “incel” is one they get wrong, but still…see, this is the problem with pushing politics into spaces it doesn’t belong. The election year “which Transformers faction are the Republicans/Democrats” nonsense was bad enough.
• Okay, Ultra Magnus gets way too much flak. He got a lot dropped on him in an instant thanks to Unicron that he wasn’t ready for. Will someone cut the bot some slack? Especially when you put Rodimus “I don’t want to be leader and I’m a sarcastic bastard” Prime as the better example? He’s a young robot who got leadership before he was ready, and he knows it. He needs more time to gain his own wisdom before packing the wisdom of his forbearers. Hot Rod could be a good leader in time, but he isn’t given that time. He didn’t rescue Cybertron. The Decepticons abandoned it when Unicron tried to eat it and the Autobots simply grabbed it back before they could return. Rodimus is no Optimus, and he doesn’t want to be. There’s a reason kids wanted Optimus Prime back, and the show never really gave Rodimus a chance to do anything he wasn’t forced to do or stumbled into. It’s why I find Hot Rod more interesting.

As of this writing, Media Zealot hasn’t really digged into the Transformers multiverse, and I’m curious what he would tag in the other continuities. Maybe someday he’ll return to Cybertron, but as for now, what do you think of his statements or the few defenses I put up? Overall he’s not wrong, and some of these issues have been brought up by others, but there are still holes I can see. This is still a fun show to watch, but the Budiansky G1 comics and the Dreamwave comics (ignoring the first miniseries) remain some of my favorite uses of my childhood favorites.