“Yesterday’s” Comic> Exiles #3

“Let me help you park in the handicap spot legally. By breaking your legs!”

Exiles #3

Malibu Comics/Ultraverse (October, 1993)

“A Glimmer And Gone”

WRITER: Steve Gerber

PENCILER: R. R. Phipps

INKER: Scott Reed

COLORIST: Robert Alvord

LETTERER: Patrick Owsley

EDITOR: Chris Ulm

Another issue of this miniseries that makes me break format, and I bet the next (and thankfully final) issue will do the same. It starts with our protagonists (because I can’t really call them heroes at this point) deciding the best way to calm down and open dialog with the new mutation is to constantly shoot at him with their guns and superpowers! Somehow this has the opposite effect and he escapes while Ghoul and some girl going by Tinsel are captured by the bad guys. Our villain decides Ghoul is disposable, being a zombie, and tosses him in with the other dead bodies, including some other apparent hero. Here’s where we learn he can hear the dead…or something.

Tinsel awakens to Bloodbath about to sexually assault her. I don’t even care what his name is anymore decided to keep her as a hostage, but seems perfectly aware of what his minion is about to do to her. She uses her light powers to damage his eyes, so he grabs his guns and shoots everything, killing her in the process. I’m not sure who is more incompetent here, the protagonists or the villains. Ghoul finds her body and apparently he’s close to her because he’s prepared to kill her murderer.

Congratulations, comic, you are the embodiment of everything I hate about 90s comics without anything good to show for it. The supposed heroes suck, the villains make mustache-twirling villains look complex, and it’s all just one huge fight broken up with an almost rape scene! I want to know why this is “essential” according to this reading list, but there’s only one more of these to go before I can go back to finding something from the Ultraverse I like. We left Prime on the moon for this, and I’m going to keep mentioning it until we finally get back there. I wanted a reading list to tell me when these issues came out so I could review them like the other comics, but I guess that doesn’t exist and this is what I’m stuck with. At least this miniseries is almost over.