Above is the trailer for Bat-Fam, a spinoff of Merry Little Batman, a Batman Christmas special I had considered checking out. If this is what the special is like, I think I’ll pass.

According to the Bat-Fam wiki, because Fandom has a wiki for probably every franchise ever whether anyone cares or not, the show follows Batman and his family taking on the issues of daily life, getting along, and fighting crime. The Webtoon comic Batman: Wayne Family Adventures proves that there is a market for such a concept, and it could be fun to watch. Except outside of Damian and Alfred, none of them appear to be part of this. Even Man-Bat looks like a bad Grandpa Munster wanna-be. No Nightwing, no Batgirl, no Robins of any kind, none of the traditional or current Batman Family are even part of this. Instead we have Volcana, who I only know from an episode of Superman: The Animated Series, Alfred’s oddly black niece Alicia (which I can only assume is a nod to Alicia Silverstone playing Barbara Pennyworth instead of Barbara Gordon in Batman & Robin as Batgirl), and the ghost of Ra’s Al Ghul…for some reason. Speaking of Superman, why is Livewire, one of his enemies from the DCAU, showing up here along with Killer Frost, a Firestorm villain?

Of course someone on X-Twitter tried to defend this show by saying “it’s just a kids show”, as if being for kids means it doesn’t have to be good. No, I don’t mean it has to be good to or for adults. Kids are allowed to have their own stuff. It also can be done well, in a way that entertain kids and is fun to actually watch while not insulting their intelligence. The show may not be out yet, but trailers are supposed to give you an indication of how good it will or won’t be, and this ain’t looking so good. I can point you to much better “just kids shows” that are better uses of the Batman family (which should have actually been about the Batman family), and I don’t have to go to Batman: The Animated Series to do it. That show was geared for a slightly older kids group than Bat-Fam appears to be doing, as was Kids WB’s underrated The Batman. So we’re talking younger kids…and I still have you covered with better shows than this slop.

Batwheels

Yes, the show about Batman’s car coming to life is a better version of this story. When the real Batman Family shows up–mostly Batgirl and Duke Thomas playing a fusion of past Robins, but also including Nightwing and Green Arrow–or Batman’s rogues when their also alive cars aren’t appearing, the show makes good use of the human characters. There are even nods to past Bat-shows for the kids to learn about when they get older and decide to explore Batman history. Adam West (or edited recordings as I think he passed away by then) shows up as an early Batmobile, the Grey Ghost is actually used properly as a reference and not just a name slapped onto something, and even Ace gets to show up as a puppy. Meanwhile, the show teaches heroism, teamwork, self assurance, and being a good person. Car. Plane. Poor Batboat doesn’t have a chance to be part of this. The humor still isn’t for old fogey me but the writing is solid and I can tell when something is a joke. I still maintain that Batwheels is the best Batman adaptation for kids in the 2020s.

 Krypto The Superdog

Speaking of Ace, he make numerous appearance in the show with a better version of Superman’s dog than anything James Gunn put out, or those stupid shorts they’re putting out these days. Krypto is more like his master, though being raised by a different kid. Ace is a lot like Batman and has to learn the benefits of working with others. This is a great kids show and one that actually respects the source material. I think director Scott Jeralds is a fan of these characters. It’s also my counter to that League Of Superpets movie in that it’s a better adaptation of the characters. Ace has different color fur to match Batman’s black and grey costume (being the kids show I would have preferred blue, but that’s nitpicking) but I actually think it’s a better idea than his usual brown fur and black cowl/cape combo. We even get the space dog crimefighters that Krypto hung out with in the comics, Joker’s (or more accurately Harley Quinn’s) jackals from the DCAU despite not being in the DCAU, and Streaky the Supercat with a different origin but a good ally to Krypto. It’s more Superman than Batman, but Batman rarely translates to little kids for obvious reasons. That’s why the better Batman shows are for older kids. Still, we have options.

The other LEGO Batman

Nothing against The LEGO Batman Movie. I enjoyed it, but it does take more from the theatrical LEGO movie idea of kids at play than the parody of the direct-to-video movies, and thus has a tone I enjoy more with the characters. LEGO Batman: The Movie (confusing, I know, but it also goes by DC Super Heroes Unite) was based on the LEGO Batman video games, as were the follow-up LEGO DC movies. Troy Baker is a better LEGO Batman than Wil Arnett, good as his performance is and I enjoy him on LEGO Masters US (I’ve been watching UK and will get to Australia after if Tubi still has them up). It’s also a good story for kids as Batman again learns to get along with others.

DC Super Friends

There are three DC Super Friends, and this is not my first choice. The second offering, it tries to mix in the Imaginext action pad gimmick the line was using as part of the story. The third one uses CG to look more like the figures came to life, but of the ones I’ve seen nobody talks. Good for international release, I guess. My first choice would be the first special, “Joker’s Playhouse“, inspired by the original Superfriends (though too much from season one in the intro and the voice the narrator goes with), but I totally admit that could be nostalgia talking. Still, it leans more towards the younger kids than its inspiration, which is somewhere between what we’ve discussed and the DCAU, so either version could work.

DC Super Hero Girls (the first one)

Nothing against Lauren Faust, but I’m convinced she was told by Cartoon Network to remake My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic because her “Super Best Friends Forever” shorts for DC Nation were better. Why is Supergirl the Rainbow Dash of the…oh right, the New 52 happened. Anyway, Shea Fontana doing the show on YouTube and a few direct-to-video movies, including a couple in the style of LEGO’s “LEGO Friends” series visually, was a better use of the characters as the girls (and some boys) go to a superhero high school. Another show teaching heroism and friendship, and it’s for girls as well as kids. I’m still onboard for it, demographics be scrapped!

So don’t sit there and tell me “it’s for kids” excuses bad cartoons. Maybe Bat-Fam turns out to be good in spite of the trailer…but I have my doubts. I get so tired of “its for kids” as an excuse to not try or to go after media critics who think kids and adults both deserve better in their entertainment. No, it doesn’t have to entertain adults, but look at the above list. Those are all for kids. I’m entertained because I’m more versatile than most adults in what entertains me. I can enjoy a good story and except a world that doesn’t “reflect” my world because it isn’t my world. It’s a world that bases itself on kid logic and fun rather than grumpy adults who just want to push fetishes on kids or excuse lazy work on the fact that kids don’t have as much media to compare it to. Kids still deserve better. I’ve seen better. Strive to make and be better.