I remember why I did videos for longer examinations of stories. It takes to long to do a beat-by-beat review of an episode in article form. I thought I was going to be doing a “final thoughts” post today and moving on to a new subject. Instead, last time I was only able to cover act one of “A Robot’s Best Friend Is His Dog”, the chosen pilot for this attempt to bring the Transformers to CBS. It’s only a pilot script. Based on current information no actual episode was produced in animation. So why was it rejected?
In Act One we were introduced to our main heroes. We have Optimus, who is Optimus, Jazz, who has an extra “z”, I’ve learned, because the initial figure would have had three “z”s in name, Trailbreaker, who is only slightly more there than he was in the actual show, Muffler, the not-Bumblebee screw-up, Wendy, the girl, Firecycle, the robot girl, Eddie, who is the embodiment of everything wrong with a “kid character” under far too many writers, Matt, who is the cool one, and Mirage, who is also here. For the bad guys we’ve only seen Negator, Megatron’s replacement because CBS hates guns, Starscream, who is Starscream, Soundwave, who also seems the same, and Buzzsaw, who is actually remembered as the toy Soundwave came with and can talk now.
Long story so far short, Jazz and Trailbreaker took over a Decepticon steel mill being used to build more Decepticons (no Vector Sigma or stored away personality components required) and rescued the captured humans. The Decepticons, who rule the planet in this version, are setting a trap, but only Burt knows that the devices hidden around the mill are Decepticons. Too bad Burt’s a dog, as we head into act two of CBS Transformers.
The mill explodes with transforming Decepticons, all attacking the Autobots. One Decepticon stops the humans from getting weapons, but the others–including Skywarp, Thundercracker, and show only fembot Whirlpool–attack our heroes. At one point Muffler hits a Con in the legs and he falls over and falls apart. That seems like rather shoddy construction. Maybe making themselves on Earth was a bad decision? Mirage also transforms at one point to let two Decepticons literally blow each other’s heads off. Somehow this is still more hardcore than we got with the syndicated series. Nobody dies until the movie, and not many after that in season three and the final miniseries.
Also, Eddie breaks another egg. Why is this character here? Do you really hate kids so much that this is the depiction you want them to see? Remember, I’m not against kids in shows. Scott from MASK was actually useful at times and even when he caused a problem he either solved it himself, like the time Hondo got hurt and Scott blamed himself, or it turned out to help expose VENOM’s plans (and somehow they never recognize the kid next time they see him…lot of kids have a talking robot motor scooter). This is one of those kid characters that ruins it for everyone else. I could do a list…and maybe I will someday.
Jazz is hurt saving Trailbreaker from being shot in the back, and now has a big hole in his chest. The Autobots are forced to retreat, but they can’t even rescue the humans. That might not have been Negator’s plan, but if it crushes their hopes of escape he still wins. I’m hoping the episode ends with the mill, or at least the workers, free. This is still surprisingly “kids show” dark. Not as much as something like Inhumanoids, but it is closer to something like Visionaries and what little I know about Dungeons & Dragons than what we eventually got.
At Decepticon headquarters, the three main Decepticons from the mill tell Negator about how the dog’s “nose mechanism” detected them, which gets a laugh from Starscream. Negator orders the dog eliminated. Apparently they don’t know more than one dog exists. For that matter, do human resistance groups all have dogs to detect Decepticons? In the Terminator universe they use dogs to find hidden Terminators…unless the Terminator IS the dog. I’m sure Skynet thought of that more than once. Also interesting is how Soundwave takes off. Buzzsaw, according to the script, manually puts Buzzsaw back in his chest, when the shows (perhaps on the animation side at Toei to save animation cost?) have the “Recordicons” as they’ve been referred to in at least one fan comic, just jump in and out on their own in cassette mode. Soundwave also takes off with visible jet thrusts in his legs despite being the cassette recorder. Decepticons just usually fly in robot mode like Superman, not Iron Man.
The Autobots are in a clearing, with Firecycle performing surgery on Jazz using the trailer, opened “like a split clam shell”. This is a feature of the toy and one we never get to see, but that means Firecycle is repairing Jazz in open air. This is the problem with the Autobots not having a base of their own. Wendy realizes they need to get to school before they’re reported missing, though they must be really late by now thanks to Eddie’s nonsense and Muffler’s bungling. Matt sends Burt with them in case there are Decepticons at the school. This gets him into potential harms way and pulls the focus off the heroes during the surgery so he can be captured. On the other hand, they don’t know that and considering the day they’ve had it’s smart to bring the organic Decepticon Detector with them. That’s how you set up the plot, though we’re halfway through act two and only now is the listed plot–Decepticons capture the dog who can sniff them out–showing up. I’m just comparing it to the pitch summary, folks. It’s an observation, not a complaint. We wouldn’t have seen that as kids.
Soundwave sees a different dog and passes it up. I still wonder if Burt is the only dog who can smell Decepticons. Some dogs bark at anything.
The kids arrive at school and manage to talk down the Decepticon guard, who apparently has no problem with the dog joining them. Also of note is that the school mixes ages up, like an old time school you’d see on The Waltons or something. Strange we don’t get that reference as they would have gotten it. It was one of CBS’s big successes by that point. Apparently the teacher isn’t allowed to teach US history. So what do they teach? Just building robots? We’re supposed to believe life goes on normally so we can still have an episode where Wendy has her date ruined but this doesn’t feel like the type of world that would allow that. Eddie finally gets to egg a Decepticon to prove what a dumb kid he is, and when all it does is tick the guard off, the kids and Burt jump to protect him. If Soundwave didn’t come for Burt I see a youngling blood bath so massive Darth Vader would be weeping.
Of course the scene ends with Eddie screaming for Burt. Oddly, there’s no “act three” listed even though acts one and two are clearly marked. This does feel like the right spot to put a commercial break, though, and there’s about a third of the script left, so even though I’m just over 1000 words instead of the 2000 cut off I don’t think everything is going to fit into this article. So next time we’ll look at the conclusion to the episode. Jazzz with three “z”s gets his “will he die” moment, and the Autobots go to rescue Burt from Autobot headquarters by going after the mill again.
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