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Apparently the end of the Spider-Marriage in the main Marvel universe lasts forever. But Marvel thinks they can thrown Parkers fans a bone…in a reborn Ultimate universe.

I wasn’t planning to do two Spider-Man articles this week but I just learned on Tuesday about Marvel’s reborn Ultimate universe, or at least the imprint being reborn. This is not the universe Miles Morales escaped from, where Peter Parker died and Miles took over before it was ultimately (not sorry) destroyed to make way for a hyperspace bypass or whatever was going on in the latest event that I stopped caring about because events are a dime a dozen now and don’t hold the same meaning anymore.

No, this new Ultimate Spider-Man features a still breathing Peter Parker married to Mary Jane Watson. Now we know that 616 will never restore the Spider-Marriage. The Spider-Writers are too invested in making Peter a total loser who won’t keep a girlfriend for more than three storylines so we have no reason to get invested in his love life. It’s like those 80s TV action shows where Michael Knight or someone would meet a girl, they’d kiss at one point, and then they’re never brought up again. There’s no reason to care about Peter’s relationships outside of Aunt May. Even his ties to the Daily Bugle don’t seem to matter anymore.

So, fine. Alternate universe but at least we can finally see more of the Parker family, with Peter fighting crime and MJ as his support and all the cute, fun, and drama-laden moments that come with it. They’re even going to have kids…including Peter’s first son in the multiverse! Isn’t that great? Well, as usual the Mephisto is in the details, and that one was on purpose. When you look into what’s actually about to happen this isn’t what we wanted at all, because Marvel will not do that with Spider-Man anymore.

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