James Hudnall, a contributor to “Big Hollywood”, recently put together a set of essays featuring “Cinematic Clichés that must die”. Part one is here, and part two is here. Some of them spoke to me more than others.
The Professional Bitch: For some reason, professional women have to hate men in Hollywood films and TV. They have to be cold, and smarter than men in every way. Their aloofness and snobbery is supposedly a way of showing they are above the lowly male. But of course, the right guy may melt their heart toward the end of the story. But he will almost always be dumb in some way and act more like a puppy than a man.
I don’t know. I don’t think every woman in charge has to qualify for this, but I know you usually get the “I had to work twice as hard to get half the reward as a male” line of reasoning. So the attempt is to turn it against the “old boys network”, but I think it just makes the woman look bad. Then again, militant feminist opinion seems to be that you have to give up your “femininity” as a woman in the workplace. Men, however, can be as “feminine” as they want. I question their view of “feminine”, however.
The Evil Christian: Hollywood seems to say that anyone who believes in Christianity is a sexual deviant, crook or a murderer. Christians are always shown to be hypocrites and phonies. They’re never good people. They’re exposed as pious frauds when their “true colors” are revealed.
Note to Hollywood: Do any of you realize that Judeo-Christian values are the foundations of modern liberalism? That liberalism was a movement that came from Christianity? The very things you claim to believe were derived from that. Every group of people has their bad apples. To constantly paint Christians in this way because of a few is pathetic. You want to be seen as tolerant and yet to resort to these abysmally vicious clichés? By your logic everyone in Hollywood is a scumbag. Christians do a lot of good work all over the world. More charity work than all the liberals in Hollywood combined. Christians do more public service, feed more of the poor, work in more developing countries and provide rehab and other outreach services than Hollywood ever will. So why do you hate them? Don’t like the competition? Maybe you pick on them because they don’t fight back. Maybe you hate them because they set a better example than you. Show some respect for their good works. If you don’t agree with their religion, find a better target. One that deserves it.
That says it all right there. You don’t have to agree with a perspective to treat it fairly. If you see a Christian or Christian viewpoints treated fairly, it’s only because a Christian or a conservative was involved, like Touched by an Angel or Walker: Texas Ranger.
The Stupid Dad/Male: In Hollywood movies men are either stupid or gay. If they are straight, they’re almost always either buffoons, geeks or dumb jocks. Women are always smarter. Men can’t do anything without a woman telling them what to do. And fathers can’t take care of the kids. They can’t cook dinner or even be good parents. They’re always too busy to spend time with their kids, or they do idiotic things that get the family into constant trouble.
On the other hand, even the dumb women turn out to really be smart and they find that out by the end of the story. Men, however, will be just as stupid at the end as they are in the beginning, just a little wiser about whatever the movie was about. Mostly happens in comedies.
Evil Republicans: What a surprise. All Republicans in movies or TV are evil. They’re all trying to cheat the public, start unnecessary wars, take away civil rights and turn the country into a fascist dictatorship. And, of course, it’s saintly Democrats who save the day.
It’s not just in tv. Comics are getting that way as well. Civil War was a shot at the Patriot Act, among other things. In the first Transformers story from IDW, Simon Furman has the Decepticons using clone agents, and one of them (who helps push the thought that the Iraq war was just about “big oil”, with a general happily agreeing with him) later is described as the Republican nominee for President, rather than a generic party. It seems that has been lost somewhere in the 15 different directions Furman was going with the storyline, which is soon to be replaced with the new direction, starting with All Hail Megatron. There’s also this scene from Sergio Aragones Destroys DC:
On the other hand, the finale does take a strike at how dark DC Comics had become--in 1996!
That’s the very first panel. And we all know “cold hearted” is the same level of insult as a “barren victory party”. Way to insult half your potential readership, Mr. Evanier.
The Magical Minority (aka “Magic Negro”): I’m sure you’ve seen a movie or three where some wise old Black/Asian/Native-American man/woman, who’s usually a janitor/maid/babysitter/garbage man, is a fountain of wisdom and always seems to know things. And they dispense good luck with some sparkly effects and a wink. They seem to either have supernatural powers, or they enter the clueless white person’s life and change it for the better by getting them to loosen up and put on some James Brown records. Dancing to black music or putting on some other ethic affectation always makes the dumb white character cool somehow. Because, let’s face it, white people are lame. Their culture is stupid and they are clueless. Right?
I kind of like…no, wait, what would you consider “black music” or “their music”? See, this is why I don’t understand multiculturalism. I just see everybody as people.
Note to Hollywood: Guess what? Aside from being racist to whites, it’s patronizing and a soft form of bigotry. Viewing “people of color” as being “special” because of their race is the point of view of a white person who doesn’t get to know others too well. Probably because they’re self centered. Race doesn’t put any one group on some exalted level, you know. There is a term for doing that. It starts with an R and I already used it for those of you who are slow. People are people. They don’t get magic powers with their skin color. Black people can’t automatically sing well (see American Idol). Native American people don’t commune with the spirit world and animals just because they took some money from you the last time you visited a Sedona gift shop. And yeah, old Asian men don’t all know kung fu and feng shui. Sorry. This kind of stuff annoys a lot of minorities. Though some find it useful when they want to trick dumb lefties.
Wait, not every Asian knows some obscure martial art and magic healing herb found in one valley in a far off land? Next you’ll tell me Native Americans can’t commune with nature and communicate telepathically with animals and the only black guys who aren’t cool, kick everyone’s butt, and score with chicks of every color are the ones who act white.
Flyover Losers: Hollywood says: Everyone in the middle or South of America are worthless, toothless, dumb-as-dirt, inbred hicks who may or may not be incestuous psycho killers who keep their deformed children chained in the basement and let them out to feed on any foolish coast dwellers who run out of gas near their house. Either that or they’re insane Bible-thumping Jesus Freaks who want to scream about the Lord and torture you in bizarre reenactments of Passion of the Christ.
The Deliverance cliché is getting old.
Evil corporations/businessmen: According to Hollywood, corporations are Capital “E” Evil and run by evil business people. Did I say evil? Yes, eeeeevvvvil! The CEOs are usually old white men, unless the hero of the story is female. Then the CEO’s a ruthless hot chick and the corporation is always planning to poison or kill their customers with their product, which they expect to make them rich. Bwa ha ha!!!!
I don’t necessarily want this to go away, as they can make decent villains, or at least A Christmas Carol fodder. However, they do seem to outnumber good companies and CEOs. Also, they aren’t all trying or willing to destroy the environment for cheap profits or destroy your favorite landmark because they’re greedy, uncaring bastards. I think Wayne Industries is the only “good company” left in comics, but that’s because I don’t know what they’re doing to Tony Stark this week.
The Gay Friend: Gays are the perfect friend for single women. They give her all the tips she needs to get ahead with her man and act like a Greek chorus, cheering her on to victory. They also make funny stylists or interior decorators. Sometimes they’re the hilarious neighbor next door. You know, the guy with the pink sweater tied around his neck and swishy boy friend who always says something sassy. Gosh, aren’t they witty? …
Note to Hollywood: This is the current incarnation of the token minority friend. Just like the black friend who pops up and says: “That was whack, yo!” The gay friend always has some snappy comment. They often mimic clichéd black girl mannerisms because it’s “funny.” Except, not all gays are funny. Not all gays are swishy and fey. Many gays act and dress like boring straight people. Or even macho straight people. And they’re not all sassy or current with the latest styling tips.
Sometimes the stereotype gay dude can be funny, but really we’re laughing at them, not with them. I don’t have a problem with gay characters, but they’re usually in there for one of two reasons: make “homophobes” uncomfortable or to get ratings/readers. Look at Batwoman at DC. Made the papers, but they don’t really do anything with the character.
Computer/Robots/Alien World Destroyers: Computers and robots usually become intelligent and then decide to strike back at humans because “they deserve it.” When intelligent computers aren’t handy, aliens will do! Back in the day, it was giant mutant critters attacking humans because they polluted their creek, which made the critters huge, so they had to strike back. But now it’s pretty Space People who decide to let us know our carbon footprints are all over the grass. They intend to save our planet by killing us because that will really make the place more “sustainable.” Oh yeah, and robots are angry that we created them so they decide to kill us, After all, we made them work instead of giving them welfare and a universal health plan.
…This cliché offends me because I want to see intelligent computers and robots. Your worldview is anti-advancement and anti-technology as though you’re some nutty cultists wanting everyone to go back to living in tee pees. These advancements could actually make the world a better place. So can genetically modified food and nano-technology, which you seem to hate. See, you don’t show scientific advancements as a good thing, it always has to be a bad thing. That’s because you’re anti-science despite your histrionics about stem cell research.
I see his point, but as a sci-fi fan I have seen the stories where robots can be the “good guys” alongside humanity as well. Robots make for a more disposable enemy, especially in kids shows. You can’t kill a human, but you can blast a robot because it can be put back together and unless it’s from Cybertron it wasn’t really alive to begin with.
However, if someone wants to do a story where good robots do battle alongside the humans because they feel they have a right to live, and the two sides can live in peace, I wouldn’t mind seeing it. The best we have is R2D2 and C-3PO in Clone Wars, but they’re hardly in it, and we know they’re heroes because of the original Star Wars movies.
Angry Black Dude/Chick: Black people are MAD in movies and TV. They often have a major attitude, a mean face and are quick to temper and violence if ”dissed.” Professional black women who act business like will suddenly talk all ghetto the second they get angry and start snapping their fingers in the air, saying: MMM HMM!” and “Oh, no, you didn’t!” In fact, all cinematic black women get angry at the drop of a hat and black men are in your face rage-a-holics unless they are meant to be a “cool” character.
Even the ones that aren’t angry are usually there to be a bigger badass than Charles Bronson. When a “white guy” tries to do that, he just comes out creepy. Unless your Arnold Swar…the Govenator. (Yeah, like I’m going to write that name without copy/paste.)
Man-Boys, not Men: It seem as though real men like James Stewart, John Wayne, Charles Bronson and Lee Marvin are no longer allowed. Now they have to be pretty faced man-children — arrested adolescents. And even if they’re 50, they’re goofy and immature and have to look to women for advice and consent.
Mr. Hudnall does note that those guys exist, but especially in comedies they’re the exception more than the rule. The women are often reduced to the “straight (wo)man” role. Even the “airheads” turn out to be secretly brilliant, usually by dropping the “girly girl” attitude. Because “girly girls” aren’t “real” women, you know.
Oh yeah, and while you’re at it, explain why only white people can be racist? That’s a racist statement. Racism is common in every culture and in every race. Racial minorities are second class citizens in most nations on earth but we’re one of the few countries that has worked hard to fight racism. In most parts of the world racism is accepted as the status quo. So quit bashing Americans for our failures and start giving us credit where credit’s due.
Isn’t that true for life in general, though?
The Killer Babe: Hot looking women all know kung fu. A 5′2″, 90lb lady can beat up any man with ease, no matter how big, even when she’s wearing high heels. In fact, the K.B. usually wears pumps all the time, and mentions it after she does something, ”I did it all in heels!” She can even battle superhuman villains with ease. And her hair is perfect. She never has a bad hair day.
There’s even a sort of media fetish among some guys where women who can beat the snot out of them are somehow hotter than the ones that can’t or wouldn’t. I wonder if we guys finally have our answer to the good girl/bad boy nonsense?
The Future Is Hopeless: Look around, man! The future is bleak! We’re all doomed. We’re killing the planet! We’re not acting sustainable! Our carbon footprint is too large! But before we destroy the world, we’re going to treat each other really bad because that’s what humans do: We’re all bad. We deserve to die
Which is why Frank Miller is the perfect choice to ruin Buck Rodgers! I have nothing against the post-apocalyptic futures, but how a few stories where the future doesn’t suck! Maybe defending a bright future from those that would destroy the world would be interesting. I’d just like to see an Earth we didn’t mess up with environmental disasters or reality shows. Anybody remember Star Trek? Before they ruined Roddenberry’s vision?
The Government Is Evil (if there’s a Republican president): Yes, the government is out to get us. Black helicopters, men in black and agents with black sunglasses and black suits. Black, black, black… Have you run out of paint, yet? Anyway, the government is omnipotent and knows everything about our lives and is trying to get us. There is no escape! They’re tapping our phones, dragging us off to secret prisons where we’re tortured, and they hold all the secret technologies that would set us free – but if we ever discover those secrets they will come after us. Agents are everywhere. So is the evil military waiting to send troops down our streets.
It’s like trying to channel 1984, but not getting what Orwell wanted. This can work in co-ordination with the bleak future, or when they had them, beautiful futures held together by an evil secret. Otherwise, I rather liked Demolition Man. I’ll let Mr. Hudnall have the last word.
Don’t forget what you’re here for. You’re supposed to entertain us, not insult us
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