Long overdue Summer movie reviews

Where last year I saw maybe two movies in the theaters (even inflammation couldn’t keep me from seeing Iron Man–luckily I was over the hurdle by then), this year I got to see five. Well, so far. I do want to see Astro Boy, it’s not a Summer movie. It’s an Autumn movie, and this is a Summer movie review. Granted, I really should have reviewed these movies right after I saw them, but that would make sense and I’m an idiot. They’re counter forces.

So here are the movies I saw this Summer. Were they any good?

Read on! Oh, and I picked up the posters mostly through a couple of movie poster sites that I really should have written down where I got them. Like I said, idiot.

Disney’s Race to Witch Mountain

Overview:Former mob wheel man Jack Bruno (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, does he still use his wrestling name as a nickname in movies?) now works as a cabbie in Las Vegas, having recently gotten out of prison. However, his old boss wants him back whether he wants to or not. To make his day worse, there’s a UFO convention in Vegas, which means he has to pick up alien cosplayers, guys in Stormtrooper armor, and scientist Alex Friedman (Carla Gugino), who actually believes this stuff from a scientific perspective. (Too bad her audience just wants to hear about anal probes. Or whatever you can get away with in a Disney movie.) During one of his runs, Jack takes on two kids, Sara and Seth (AnnaSophia Robb and Andrew Ludwig respectively–I hope you figured that out on your own, though.) He eventually learns that the kids are actually aliens from the planet that I can’t seem to find the name of online. (Maybe the planet didn’t have a name. I don’t know.)

The kids also possess amazing powers. Seth can alter his mass similar to the Marvel Comics character the Vision, allowing him to either phase through objects or become nearly invulnerable. Their planet is dieing, but their parents have learned, via a lab on Earth, that there could be a way to restore their world. However, the military is evil and they feel simply conquering the Earth is easier and stop the scientists from bringing proof to their people. The kids have come to Earth in the hopes of bringing the evidence back, but the military has sent a hunter called a Siphon to track the kids down and kill them.

Also after them are the US military, from an alien watching facility known to UFO fanatics as “Witch Mountain”. Enter Major Henry Burke (Cicaran Hinds), who wants to capture the kids, dissect them (since they’re aliens), and learn how humans (read soldiers, I’d wager) can use these powers as well. So Jack, Alex, and the kids are on the run from monsters, mobsters, and your basic “evil shadow government group”.

So what did you think?: Not a bad movie, really. Not a great movie. While I didn’t feel like I wasted the money to go, I wasn’t all that excited. The biggest complaint I have with the movie is that the mobsters were really unnecessary. I think the whole “wheel man” subplot was simply to show how Jack could drive so well, dodging spaceships and cars like a master. On the other hand, the whole “we want you back” nonsense really doesn’t factor into the story, or do anything the Witch Mountain agents weren’t already doing better. There was no point to it, pops up as a one-time plot device later, and then is never heard from again.

The actors were pretty good (the kids are supposed to be nearly emotionless, being aliens I guess), and Garry Marshall’s cameo as Dr. Donald Harlan was a fun bit. Otherwise, there wasn’t anything special about the story. None of the moments are really memorable, and I couldn’t tell if this was a continuation of any of the Disney movies or simply based on the plot of the movies (and the original novel) like the 1995 made-for-TV movie. I do wonder either way why Witch Mountain is now a government facility when it used to be a hiding place for the aliens in previous movies. So I’m just going to assume another remake.

The special effects aren’t anything I haven’t seen before, but perhaps it is new to the target audience. The “Siphon” wasn’t bad since they actually used make-up and not CG, and that’s becoming a lost art outside of a minor nose prosthetic. The spaceship sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t, but the chase sequences with the ship and the taxi cab are pretty good.

But would you buy the DVD?: If there was a box set with the first two movies and the two TV sequels as well as this film, I might get it. Otherwise, it’s not something I’m really itching to see again.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Overview: Allegedly based on a comic story and taking place in the same universe as the first three movies, I’m sure you’ve heard fanboys rage against some of the changes to the Wolverine mythos. In this version, Logan and Sabertooth are revealed to be brothers, because Logan’s mom has bad taste in who she cheats on her husband with. The movie follows James Howett/Logan/Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) from the day his powers emerged (quick healing and bony “claws” that pop out of his hand) to his adulthood. After centuries of being a soldier, Logan has had enough and quits the group he and Victor Creed/Sabertooth (Liev Schriber) joined. Years later he is drawn back in by circumstances–mostly because his old commander, William Stryker (Danny Hudson), wants him back in his mutant militia.Wolverine is manipulated every step of the way, even by his girlfriend, Silverfox (Lynn Collins). Logan later rescues other mutants Stryker captured, including the future X-Man Cyclops (Tim Pocock), but loses his memory while the kids are spirited away by Professor Xavier (Patrick Stewart).

A lot of Wolverine fans were upset by the changes, such as Wolverine and Sabertooth being brothers, and it does bring some minor continuity issues up since this is supposed to be a prequel to the previous trilogy. There was also the issue of the character Wade Wilson/Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds) being given the powers of numerous mutants as  part of Stryker’s ultimate plan. (In the comics, Deadpool was actually given Wolverine’s “mutant healing factor.) However, events are set for the next X-Men story featuring Deadpool, who in the comics is a mercenary who is pretty much insane, and seems to know he’s in a comic. Another character, Gambit (Taylor Kitsch), also has his powers altered for the movie. In the comics and cartoons, Gambit can “charge” the kinetic energy of an object and make it explode like a bomb. In this movie…I’m not sure what his power is. It looks like a form of “Force Push”, one of the Jedi powers in the Star Wars franchise. Winding up the cast is Will i Am of the music group Black Eyed Peas as John Wraith and Fred Dukes as the Blob, two members of Logan and Sabertooth’s old team.

So what did you think?: Remember that I hate the character Wolverine. So when I say I didn’t hate this movie, that’s practically praise. Continuity issues aside (and a few other fan gripes), it wasn’t exactly a bad movie. How Logan loses his memory makes no sense, but if you know nothing about the characters, it’s an OK movie. Not spectacular, but not exactly awful.

One continuity issue that I have trouble with is the fact that Logan actually ends up saving the teenage Scott Summers, the future Cyclops. His eyes are covered, so he can’t recognize Logan in the future when they meet in the first movie (although Sabertooth should be able to, but there is no indication that they met before, while they’ve had a long standing feud in the comics that predates Logan joining the X-Men) and I doubt Logan was paying that much attention. But what elevates it past bad coincidence is the fact that Logan will later try to steal Scott’s wife, Jean Grey, which is also from the comics and one of my issues with the character as a whole. It’s not that cute. It’s a slam against the Cyclops character, and that happens a lot the way Cyclops is portrayed in the comics at times.

But will you buy the DVD?: Probably not. I only went because my friends wanted to see it and I enjoyed the first two X-Men movies. I still hate the character. I just didn’t hate the movie.

Disney/Pixar’s Up

Overview: Carl Fredricksen (Ed Asner) and Ellie met as kids and had a long, happy life together. However, they weren’t able to have kids, and Ellie had dreamed about moving the house they met in (and later bought) to the area of South America where their childhood hero, explorer Charles Muntz (Christopher Plummer), was lost trying to prove a rare bird existed. When Ellie passes away, Carl is about to lose their house to greedy land developers. So he decides to fulfill at least part of Ellie’s dream by using a whole lot of balloons to carry their home to that very spot Ellie wanted to plant the house. Unfortunately for Carl, he accidentally brings along well meaning scout Russell (Jordan Nagai) along for the ride. In the end, the two will learn a lot about themselves, bond, and end up fighting Carl’s old hero, who has gone rather mad.

What did you think?: Granted I missed Wall-E last year and haven’t had the chance to see it, but I still feel comfortable in saying THIS IS THE BEST PIXAR FLICK EVER! My apologies to The Incredibles and Toy Story, but it’s true. I don’t care if it’s a cartoon. You won’t find a lot of live-action movies made with this much heart. Between the story by Bob Peterson and Pete Docter, the acting by Asner and Nagai as well as the other actors, and the spectacular animation Pixar Entertainment is known for, this movie hits every button with a sledgehammer. Some parts made me laugh out loud, even in the theater which is odd for me, some parts brought a tear to my eye (especially later in the movie when Carl is looking over Ellie’s old scrapbook and finds a new section) and some parts are action packed. This movie quite literally has everything.

A lot of studios (Dreamworks most notably) will get famous people to do the voices hoping that their name in the ads and posters will boost sales. Plummer and Asner have already done a lot of work in animation (my favorite Asner roles were Granny Goodness in Superman the Animated Series and Officer Cosgrove on Freakazoid), and the regular voice actors they brought in really make the scenes feel real. At times you forget your watching a computer generated cartoon and see it for what it actually is: just a darn good movie!

Will you buy the DVD?: At my first opportunity. This was without a doubt the best movie I saw this year, and if this doesn’t get added to a list of greatest movies ever, the list compiler failed miserably!

UPDATE: I got it for Christmas.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Overview: In the sequel to the Michael Bay movie, the Autobots and humans are allies fighting a secret war against Decepticon invaders by forming a group called NEST along with their Marine friends Lennox (Josh Duhamel) and Epps (Tyrese Gibson). However, the Decepticons have resurrected Megatron (Hugo Weaving) at the order of their master, the Fallen, a former Prime who wants to use a hidden machine to destroy the Earth and empower himself. Only one Prime is left to face him–Optimus Prime (Peter Cullen), leader of the Autobots!

Meanwhile, Sam Witwicky (Shia LeBouf) is off at college, but exposure to the All-Spark has connected him to the weapon’s key known as the Matrix of Leadership. Now the Decepticons want that information, but all Sam wants is to survive college and stay true to his girlfriend, Mikaela (Megan Fox). When the Fallen demands the boy on international broadcast, he becomes the source of a manhunt, and is forced to team with his conspiracy theorist roommate Leo (Ramon Rodriguez) and former Sector Seven agent Simmons (John Tuturro) to find the Matrix before the Decepticons do.

So what did you think?: I’ve heard fans complain about the new Autobots having little screen time, but since there are plenty of human soldiers who are also just “window dressing”, that doesn’t bother me as much. That’s what the extended media is for, like novels and comics. The biggest gripe from those who saw the movie were the characters of Skids (Tom Kenny, who also voices “Wheelie) and Mudflap (Reno Wilson, who by the way is black) being called out as racist stereotypes. We already know from the first movie (where Jazz was saddled with this complaint) that Autobots learn Earth language and culture via the World Wide Web, so I just figure these two morons found the wrong sites. Face it, folks. People like this exist in the real world (stereotypes have to start somewhere), so as long as there is a counter point (like Epps) I don’t mind it too much. You create the character you need for the story. Besides, there are so many other reasons to hate these two morons!

For that matter (and as a Transformer fan it pains me to even DO this review) there are a lot of things to hate about this movie. I could list them all, but I want this up tonight, so here are the big ones for me.

• way too long: My condition aside, I ended up going to the bathroom three times during this movie (even missed the blink-and-it’s-gone final battle between Optimus and the Fallen) due in part to the length. And so much of it felt like padding to show off the pretty visuals or blow something up.
• the Matrix: If you’re going to reference something fun for the fans, make sure it fits. (One of my issues with the Battlestar Galactica “re-imagining”, and the one that really kept me from watching it.) There is no connection to this Matrix and the Matrix of Leadership of past Transformers lore. It just doesn’t work.
• the “humor”: I thought the whole “Sam’s Happy Time” nonsense of the last movie was uncomfortable, but at least Sam’s mom, Judy (Julie White), having a little too much wine felt natural (even if the conversation felt like I was being punched in the kidneys by Blurr on overdrive–G1TF reference!). So naturally (and by naturally I mean “why God why?”) we have to have her get a hold of pot brownies at college (and by “have to” I mean “WTFH!”). And let’s not get started on Devastator’s underside, Wheelie humping Mikaela’s leg, or seeing Simmons in his underwear again or this will go way too long.
• the sexyness: …or rather the sexyness being stuffed down our throats. Yes, Megan Fox and Isabel Lucas (who plays a “Pretender” Decepticon going by Alice seduce Sam and get him alone to get the Matrix location out of him) are hot as hell in summer. We get it. But do we need to see Mikaela sidesaddle on that motorcycle like that? Men, take a cold shower and answer that again from the point of the narrative. It adds nothing that finding a Maxim photo shoot video online doesn’t already
• hey kids, here’s a movie based on your favorite toy!: Too bad your too young to watch it, with all the language, violence, and sexual content. I remember some guy I was discussing the first movie with responding to a similar comment on my part with “kids have too many things already”. While I could list off every movie that’s come out just far and every TV show on the air at this moment and counter that easily, can we remember that THIS IS A MOVIE BASED ON A KID-TARGETED PROPERTY! I don’t care if you think everything from your youth should be adultified (the mindset that helped screw up the Scooby-Doo movie and led to the Wendy and Marvin death in the pages of Teen Titans). YOU ARE WRONG! Just because you can adultify Captain Kangaroo doesn’t mean you should. Especially if it is still around AND STILL TARGETED TO KIDS like Transformers.

Will you get the DVD?: As a Transformer sheep, I might pluck it from the Bargain Bin unless some store comes up with one doozy of an extra. There is no other way I’m wasting full price on this nightmare. I remember that Michael Bay said that he wrote some of this himself during the writer’s strike to keep the movie on schedule. I’m hoping that’s the reason this movie went so far downhill from the first movie, which I gave a curve grade for being part one of a trilogy. What a major disappointment.

Star Trek

Overview: In the 24th century, a mad Romulan named Nero (Eric Bana) goes back in time to destroy Vulcan as revenge for Spock (Leonard Nimoy) being unable to save Romulas from it’s own destruction. In the process, the starship captained by Jim Kirk’s father is destroyed, setting off an altered timeline. Now cadet Jim Kirk (Chris Pine) is a total jerk, but soon finds himself at odds with the younger Spock (Zachary Quinto), his girlfriend Uhura (Zoe Salanda), and even his mentor Chris Pike (Bruce Greenwood). Nero’s actions force them all to work together to take Nero down, with help from the elder Spock behind the scenes. That’s a real short synopsis. Real short.

What did you think?: First a disclaimer. I actually missed the first few minutes. Having missed it in the theaters (very tight budget), I did get to (what I thought was) the final showing at a last chance theater maybe 10 minutes late. It’s the bar fight scene for those who saw it. However, I still saw most of it, and it was rather good. All the actors play the characters well, director J.J. Abrams went for a more action feel to the movie and he did a good job on that front. I don’t feel like my money was wasted.

On the other hand, I don’t understand why he felt the need to play games with the timeline. I enjoyed the movie, but much like the Enterprise series (which is now the only Star Trek series whose events could still be canon in this timeline), it didn’t feel like Star Trek to me. Abrams decided to remake Gene Roddenberry’s vision into his own, which won’t sit well with many fans. You can use these characters as created and still make a decent take. (PROOF) Alternately, you can create a new ship and crew, still set it in the 23rd century (which I do miss) and take the series your own way without stepping on past lore. (PROOF) This would have been preferable to simply redoing characters who haven’t gotten old after all these years while still allowing Abrams the opportunity to try and inject some freshness into the franchise.

The new ship design could be a prototype, which would explain the poorly done engine room compared to the rest of the ship. (Seriously, what was with that?) Vulcan could be replaced with another planet without using a version of time travel that even in the Trekverse doesn’t make sense. You had a great cast. Why not let them add to the legend rather than rewriting it?

But will you get the DVD?: I’d accept it as a Christmas present or something, or watch it on TV, but with so many other videos I’d rather have in my library I’ll probably pass on it. It’s a decent movie, but it just doesn’t feel like a Star Trek movie, and that kind of kills it for me.

So that was what I did over the summer. How was your summer movie watching? Also, I think I’ll stick with this format for future movie reviews. Now if I can just do those on time.