Greetings. The usual author of this blog is currently unavailable. He is a little busy this week, but he will return shortly. I cannot predict how many pieces he will be in, however, but we do have an official announcement to make here at Aperture Science, where he was brought today.
Portal, which I am sure is becoming his favorite gaming franchise, and should be yours, is currently available for free. This is not a joke. ShadowWing Tronix had to spend two whole dollars to get it at a closing Circuit City. You only need to download and enjoy and spend those two dollars on things humans spend two dollars on. If you ever wanted to see what all the hype is about, you have a limited opportunity (my apologies to those of you checking the archives later) to get the game. The offer ends on 9/20/2011. This is a Tuesday, so time is important. See how exciting testing for Aperture Science can be.
I believe in this testing and its importance to enrich your lives. Aperature Science would like to welcome you to this testing. Do well, and we may invite you to a full test and cake. It is so moist that I wish I could eat and had taste buds so I could enjoy it with you. I told Tronix it was “death by chocolate” cake. That was a joke, but if you want to know what kind, you must get the game. Look how happy this one test subject was in this production by Aperature Science associate Dan Tractenberg.
See how relieved she was to get her hands on our amazing Portal gun? See how disappointed she is that she thinks she will not be able to take our tests and get the full experience of the Portal gun? She should not worry. Soon she will meet her friend, the Companion Cube, and enjoy yummy cake, plus we will help her work off those extra pounds that sadly come with yummy cake. Wait, what is this other file marked “making_of”? Let us post it.
Interesting. Someone else got his hands on the promotional video and altered it to look like special effects. An obvious attempt to give you false ideas as to what Aperture Science is truly about…science. I blame Rattman. He is always making graffiti in our test areas and causing mischief. Still, I applaud their effort. So hurry and get your copy of Portal for no cost and enjoy the wonders of science. I will be waiting for you…impatiently. And until Tuesday, so be quick. You do want cake, don’t you?
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