Whoa, how long as it been since I’ve done one of these?

Commericials That Need to DIE logo

The main reason I stopped doing this series will be clear if you check the archives and notice how many videos are missing, either because the company took it down from their YouTube page, demanded someone else take theirs down, or the poster just closed the account. However, this one is just too crap to ignore. And no, it’s not the current stream of lawsuits claiming the evils of everything from blood thinners to talcum powder from the law offices of Ambu, Lance, and Chaser.

I’m not a sports person. I don’t follow sports, I don’t play sports, and I don’t play sports video games with any kind of regularity if at all. Being picked on in gym class because I wasn’t very good is part of that. I am convinced dodgeball was designed by bullies. At least when I suck at video games nobody taunts me and when they slam my drawing I know it’s not the best, but I’m getting better. So it shouldn’t surprise you that I don’t play Fantasy Football, and I’ve seen ads for various “leagues”, some of which you can win money and prizes for. Yahoo Sports has been putting up their own ads, trying to get people to join their league. And what better way to promote your fun games than with the biggest jackasses on the planet!

Let’s start with the first commercial I saw, and remember that whole “being picked on” thing I mentioned.

Now I’m not against gloating if it’s in good fun, but that’s the problem I have with these. They aren’t in good fun. I was afraid to ask any girl out on a date or to a dance for numerous reasons, including self-esteem and being sure my “enemies” would gladly ruin the event for me because they were that evil. So let’s take a teenage sore spot, fly her all the way out to wherever they are (let’s say LA to New York or something), and bring up an old heartbreak just to gloat about a fake football game. He was even willing to wipe it away with “well, we were kids…” and then she just acts like a bigger bitch to him. What the hell, guys?

I keep playing extra events where this guy was going to propose to his girlfriend and they were actually all there to give him support one way or the other because they know it’s hard for him to take that risk, possibly because of that time he did for Junior Prom only to have it thrown in his face, which I was probably convinced would happen to me. I want him to tell her and the other jerk off so badly, storm off, and have everyone mad at these jerks because they were there to support him on what would have been the best day of his life. But even without my bonus scene I want to tell this guy off and tell her where she can fly back to and where the broomstick she does it with can go.

There’s actually a longer version of this but I’m not subjecting either of us to it. So what’s wrong with this? These idiots just changed the password to something supereasy for any hacker worth his or her salt to figure out and put their entire network at risk of hacking just to rub it in that his team isn’t doing so well.

Remember, they’re trying to get people to join their league or perhaps even start playing fantasy football. But with people like these…I mean, I’m surprise anybody uses X-Box Live considering all of the talk I hear about swearing 10-year-olds calling everyone gay slurs and what they want to do to your mom even though they probably don’t even know what the word means. And I’m supposed to open myself up to this level of abuse to play a game? I mean, check out Father Of The Year here:

Ordinarily I would just assume that he printed up a mock birth certificate to be funny, and I might wave that off, if not for the other two commercials. In this universe not only do I fully believe he changed his son’s name legally just to gloat, I highly expect the agent at the office high-fived him for the burn! As far as Mom, I’m not sure he isn’t lying given his body language and the pause to make sure she isn’t listening, but I bet her team is smoking him too. This leads me to ask what happens if he comes from behind before the fantasy season is over and he makes Dad look like a chump. Is Dad that sore a loser? Well, he’s that sore a winner so I’m going with yes.

I know, it’s all a joke and I shouldn’t get annoyed by this, when there are worse commercials out there. “Save your ire for the lawsuit losers.” However, these are ads trying to promote using their game for their fantasy football fixation, and all it does is make me not want to play, because that’s exactly what the people in the commercials would push me to do. Bringing back bad memories, putting the WiFi system at risk, and being a horrible father seems to be the way these players operate. The latest ad has some guy teaching his parrot to diss his roommate’s losing streak. That’s almost funny, as would the Dad one had the other videos not convinced me these are horrible, horrible people, and that he actually changed his son’s name.

This doesn’t just NOT convince me to use Yahoo Sports, it further keeps me away from fantasy football in general! I have enough bad memories in my life without dealing with these jerks.

About ShadowWing Tronix

A would be comic writer looking to organize his living space as well as his thoughts. So I have a blog for each goal. :)

One response »

  1. Sean says:

    I never understood the whole fantasy football thing. And actually a lot of people bet on it and make money off it too. It’s become a form of gambling. There’s also fantasy baseball. I used to work with a colleague who was obssessed with fantasy football and fantasy baseball. He seemed to play it so much (based on the way he talked about it), that I wondered when he actually had time to create lesson plans and grade student work for his teaching job! Then again, the people who play fantasy sports probably don’t understand why other people play role playing games such as Dungeons and Dragons. It’s all about perspective I guess.


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