CBS Transformers: The First Pitch part 1: Backstory

“More Than Meets The Eye” has already released in syndication, but Hasbro wanted to go with a major TV network, as the network would have picked up the costs of the show and they would have a ready station for the show, every network affiliate that carried the network’s Saturday morning programming. CBS was chosen for whatever reason. That’s not a complaint. I just couldn’t tell you why CBS was chosen over NBC and ABC. I don’t recall ABC ever carrying anything from Marvel Productions until 1987’s Little Clowns Of Happytown, VERY loosely based on the line of clown figurines. (I still have my Super Clown.) CBS did have some of their adventure and comedy shows, while NBC did all of their Marvel Comics based superhero shows.

Due to the rivalry between Marvel Productions and Marvel comics mentioned in Chris McFeely’s video, in case you thought animation didn’t trump comics in the media pecking order even back then because it was still TV, Jeffery Scott’s pitch ignored everything they already did in the miniseries and created an entire new concept from scratch than Hasbro had accepted from Marvel Comics’ Jim Shooter and the characters developed by Bob Budiansky. What came out was so far removed from what we know that it feels like an entirely different product from the start. Already this is a bad idea because kids would be trying to reconcile the two concepts. If you don’t think so, adults were still trying to force the comic and cartoon we got into one continuity despite more contradictions than the live-action movies. The comics were eventually forced to use the Floro Dery character models for the comics but the early issues used the toys as how they drew the Transformers.

Thus, the question is whether or not Marvel Productions was as smarter than their comic friends as they believed themselves to be. This portion of our look will have six chapters. The pitch by Scott, completed for February 25th of 1984, is split into backstory, Decepticon character profiles, Autobot character profiles, human character profiles, and something I don’t see enough of in these pitch bibles–sample episodes! We’ll compare them to the actual cartoon during each section, with a wrap-up section that will segue into the second draft. So let’s begin with a look at the story they came up instead of 4 million year old robots activating on Earth to resume their war.

The pitch starts out the backstory with a series of fake news items. It’s a fun addition that works if it helps show CBS Sat AM executives what the show will look like.

NEWS ITEM …
AIR FORCE PILOT DITCHES JET AFTER CONTACT WITH UFO

Flagstaff, Arizona (UPI) Monday, August I 5, 1979 –

Defense Department sources confirmed rumors that Air Force Lieut. Warren Briggs ejected from his jet over the Arizona desert after  reportedly being struck by an unidentified flying object. Briggs told military investigators that the UFO appeared to follow him like “a living ball of light” just before it made contact with his jet, When asked about Briggs’ mental condition …

That’s an interesting place to start. The show would have aired in 1984, maybe 1985 for CBS’s Saturday morning block. So instead of waking up in present day like the miniseries they opted to have this secretly going on for years prior. That might have worked. Apparently we were going to be introduced to the Transformers having already been active for a while on Earth rather than getting to see them activated. However, if you haven’t seen the video, you might we wondering why they’re starting with a “living ball of light”. Read on.

NEWS ITEM …NA VY JET DISAPPEARS OVER BERMUDA TRIANGLE
Miami, Florida (AP) – Sunday, June 21, 1982 –

During a routine mission in the area known as the Bermuda Triangle, a Navy F-16 fighter jet disappeared with no explanation. authorities released this last radio transmission from the pilot:
“Red Rabbit One to Rabbit Leader. Something just hit rny left wing. Holy—-! The wing is bending. I’m losing control. (garbled) There’s a voice (end transmission).

Watch your language, Red Rabbit One. You’re supposed to be a Saturday morning character! I guess since this was being pitched to adults and was censored anyway it’s not as bad as the swearing in Transformers: The Movie. There’s one last news item presented before going into straight narration.

SOVIETS LOSE TOP SECRET PARTICLE BEAM CANNON
Moscow – February 12, 1984 –

The U.S. Embassy in Moscow has learned that the Soviets’ top secret particle beam vanished while being transported to its testing sight. Technicians on the train said that the weapon disappeared after being struck by what was believed to be “ball lightning.” The Soviet news agency, T AS, would not …

“Look for the glowy orb inside. It will save on my light bill.”

By the way, there were misspellings here, unless this was actually the fictional country of Moskow instead of Moscow, Russia. “Air Force” was also one word. I’m not sure if “T AS” is supposed to have that space there or not. This does get your attention. Three “news items” involving some kind of glowing energy ball described either as light or ball lightning. How mysterious. That would take us to present day, and the regular narration.

It started as a simple meteor shower over the Carribean Ocean. The only thing of note was the uniformity of the glowing streaks, and the fact that none of them burned out before striking the water as most meteors do.

But these were not meteors. Nor were they objects of any known origin. In fact, they were not objects at all. They were the DECEPTICONS!

It is interesting when going over this how many concepts here would sneak their way into later continuities. The falling not-meteors similar to Michael Bay’s idea of the Transformers first coming to Earth in a meteor like form, or the glowing balls having been referred to by others discussing this new find along the lines of the “sparks” that started in the Beast Wars series and have become multiversal continuity in present day. I’m sure all of that was coincidence, but we’ll see that even the competition came up with similar ideas to what’s in this pitch.

BACKSTORY

Billions of light years away, on the opposite end of the galaxy, a solar system much like our own spins around a dense neutron star. Only one of the fourteen planets in this system is inhabited with life … but not the kind of life we have come to understand. Due to the extreme gravity of this system’s sun, the evolution of life did not move through the stages of flesh and blood. Instead, the dense matter was animated by a life-force that evolved into mechanized forms beyond anything we could imagine. After billions of years of evolution, the creatures of this world mutated into fully formed robots of unbelievable electronic and mechanical technology. Their nervous systems were formed not of neurons, but of integrated circuitry. It wasn’t blood that coursed through their metallic veins, but a volatile mixture more similar to rocket fuel. Their joints were powerful gears, their muscles hydraulic pistons, their eyes the most sensitive video cells in all the universe.

I have never liked trying to equate the robots of Cybertron mechanically to humanoid biology, the technorganics of Beast Machines aside. These are created machines, despite attempts to frame their robotic in biological concepts like “organs” and “CNA”. I know they’re supposed to be evolved robots, and until Simon Furman forced Primus into multiversal continuity, another organic lifeform concept though more “spiritual”, the first issue also blamed evolution and an origin lost in the past. These are not concepts I’m using in my own Transformers backstory, and I’m iffy on them here. Especially with how things go later on.

Make no mistake. Like you and me, these mechanical beings were alive. They lived. They died. They struggled to survive in a world with good and evil, with joy and pain. But with their greater technology came greater evils, and the planet fell into a warring state with the evil DECEPTICONS in bitter opposition to the more benevolent AUTOBOTS. Their wars continued until finally, the last Decepticon rebels were destroyed and for the first time in a thousand generations, the planet was at peace.

I have nothing against them being alive as organic beings, but I do like it to be more machine based in concept. That’s why I had digital souls, but this is 1984. They made living computer programs in Tron, but even today I’m not convinced writers understand how computers work. What’s really interesting here is that the Autobots didn’t just win, they killed off the Decepticons. No truce, no exiled to a dead rock, no reunification…just wiped out. Well, that was a short series. Good luck with the toyline!

But the destruction of the Decepticons was only of their robot forms. The electronic life-entities that was their intelligence moved off to find other mechanical forms to inhabit. Their goal: to establish a base from which to first acquire an army of mechanical bodies, then to conquer the inferior life-forms of the universe.

And so, the electronic life-entities that were the Decepticons came to Earth, a planet with a limitless supply of mechanical forms to transform into their new robot armies.

Well, mostly dead.

So basically the Decepticons, and later the Autobots, possessed vehicles and turned them into their new bodies. Comparisons to later works have been made. For example, Vanpires had kids merging with junk vehicles to form new bodies while the Vanpires possessed vehicles and turned them into non-transforming robot bodies. I believe this is also the plot for Engine Sentai Go-Onger, which became the footage source for Power Rangers RPM. I have a better example, but let’s see how the Autobots respond first.

Fortunately, the Autobots were a race of highly ethical mechanicals. They knew that the Decepticons would wreak havoc with the universe if given time. So the Autobots began their search for the Decepticon stronghold. A search that ended after their scouts returned with information of a small planet, third from its sun, where creatures of flesh and blood had recently developed a mechanized world. A world where strange things had begun to happen over the last fifty years. Where jets were disappearing. Where ships sank for no apparent reason. Where glowing unidentified objects were seen in the skies.

No, it was not a meteor shower that illuminated the sky over the Caribbean on that fateful morning fifty odd years ago.

So what does this actually remind me of? Robo Wheels, one of Mattel’s attempts to get into the transforming robot marked using their Hot Wheels cars. The promotional cartoon is rather short.

But the destruction of the Decepticons was only of their robot forms. The electronic life-entities that was their intelligence moved off to find other mechanical forms to inhabit. Their goal: to establish a base from which to first acquire an army of mechanical bodies, then to conquer the inferior life-forms of the universe.

And so, the electronic life-entities that were the Decepticons came to Earth, a planet with a limitless supply of mechanical forms to transform into their new robot armies.

We’re talking Marvel Productions and Sunbow Productions in the 1980s, so we can assume what they would have done would have been better than this, but making this connection may seriously taint how I view this going forward. The basic backstory has more similarities than other examples I’ve seen, so clearly I’m the only toy reviewer (check The Clutter Reports) to have seen this monstrosity. I have one of these toys and I assure it’s not as cool as this makes it out to be, which makes it even worse. They all split the same way and the car parts are replaced with guns that are the most easily lost accessories I’ve ever had. It’s a miracle that I haven’t because there’s nowhere to put them in car mode.

Fortunately, the Autobots were a race of highly ethical mechanicals. They knew that the Decepticons would wreak havoc with the universe if given time. So the Autobots began their search for the Decepticon stronghold. A search that ended after their scouts returned with information of a small planet, third from its sun, where creatures of flesh and blood had recently developed a mechanized world. A world where strange things had begun to happen over the last fifty years. Where jets were disappearing. Where ships sank for no apparent reason. Where glowing unidentified objects were seen in the skies.

No, it was not a meteor shower that illuminated the sky over the Caribbean on that fateful morning fifty odd years ago.

Wait, did the Autobots have to kill themselves to be able to take over Earth vehicles? That’s some serious dedication, but seems like a bit much. Does that mean they weren’t Transformers back on not-necessarily-Cybertron? It would be easier to just have the existing robot bodies able to change what their alt mode was, like we actually see in the first episode of the already aired miniseries and released comic books. So what does this actually remind me of? Robo Wheels, one of Mattel’s attempts to get into the transforming robot market via their Hot Wheels toyline. It’s not a flattering comparison. The promo video is short, so let me show you real quick.

We’re talking Marvel Productions and Sunbow Productions in the 1980s, so we can assume what they would have done would have been better than this, but making this connection may seriously taint how I view this going forward. The basic backstory has more similarities than other examples I’ve seen, so clearly I’m the only toy reviewer (check The Clutter Reports) to have seen this monstrosity. I have one of these toys and I assure it’s not as cool as this makes it out to be, which makes it even worse. They all split the same way and the car parts are replaced with guns that are the most easily lost accessories I’ve ever had. It’s a miracle that I haven’t because there’s nowhere to put them in car mode. Actually, I might have lost one. Little black things with little definition are easy victims for dark carpets.

How does this idea compared to what the comics came up with? Honestly, not as good so far. What we would have gotten is an “enemy of the week” story. Each episode would have the Decepticons bring another one of their kind to life and the Autobots would have to stop them. If you thought toys not getting a decent showing in the cartoon was bad with what we got (poor Windcharger), this would have been worse. That’s one of the things we’ll demonstrate as we get into the rest of this draft. It seems like a lot of extra work, and if all the trashed Decepticons ended up here there’s nothing going on back on whatever their version of Cybertron would have been. By tossing the already existing backstory out, which seems like a lot of work given the other cartoon, the comic, the toy bios and blurbs, and various storybooks that might have been out by then already used the more familiar history, you lose the home planet’s name, the energy resource allegory, the Cold War elements, and everything else that would have come in the series. It’s a lot of trouble to go through just to be snobbish to the division they hated. That’s the mentality that gave us Lightyear when Buzz Lightyear Of Star Command already existed as a superior use of the character.

You’ve seen how they got here. Next time we’ll look at the profiles for the Decepticons chosen to be the only recurring characters, and how CBS started messing with concepts as well as Marvel Productions.