I’ve been doing the “This Week’s Cracked” in the Weekly Wrap-Up for a while now because the articles are both entertaining and informative. Many are also filled with swears and the occasional uncomfortable reference, but often the information outweighs the vulgarity.

During a recent spin around the site (because those list article site links are as addictive as anything TV Tropes can do to you), I found an article from Nov. 14, 2007, 5 Upcoming Comic Book Movies That Must Be Stopped. While comic book movies have been faring better than video games when it comes to being a decent adaptation, there are still a few clunkers that have come out. (Catwoman being one favorite example among the fans, mostly because any movie that can’t hold an audience despite Halle Berry in a near-nothing outfit deserves the scorn it gets even if I’ve never seen it.)

So for a little fun, I thought I’d go back and look at this list by Robert Brockway and see how things fared. Actually, only two of them are coming out, and who know about the rest.

In the article, each movie is on a separate page and since I want to do this for the reviews over at the Clutter Report (if I review each toy one at a time it will take forever to clear that up, especially when I get to the Transformers) I want to practice with it here, too, so please indulge me. The first one is right here, though.

Sub-Mariner

Starting to wish he kept that movie studio.

INTENDED RELEASE DATE: 2010
CURRENT STATUS: in-development

What Cracked Said:

“Also unlike most superheroes, Namor was wholly unimpressive and horribly ineffective in matters that weren’t immediately fish-specific. So, while Namor may not be as likeable as, say, Spider-Man, he also isn’t as useful in battle as, say, Spider-Man. Further, If Hanks’ character in Perdition had been outfitted with a chafing man-bikini and a pair of dainty foot-wings, he would have been just as impossible to take seriously as Namor will be. Not every single comic book character can be translated to film without looking ridiculous. Here, we have a character whose costume is mostly an aquamarine thong made out of fish scales.”

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_15679_5-upcoming-comic-book-movies-that-must-be-stopped.html#ixzz0zdEPxfaC

What BW Says: That link was put in by something at Cracked.com, so get used to those. I kind of like it being there. Anyway, these Cracked quotes are from why they don’t want to see the film be made, but while I don’t care one way or the other (Namor never interested me one way or the other), I have to say that Namor WAS a very decent fighter out of the water. Somehow those wings allow him at least short-range flight (or at least it used to, who knows now), he is superhumanly strong out of the water, and a decent fighter. He also has the ego one expect from fictional royalty and if you put the right guy in that fish scale speedo, instant lady magnet to the movie. “A superhero movie? Honey, why would I…wait, who is playing this Namor guy? And he wears what? Well, as long as it’s for you, honey.”

(Hell, that’s the only reason any guy went to see Sex & The City with their lady friend. 😀 )

OK, let’s try that next page thing.

About ShadowWing Tronix

A would be comic writer looking to organize his living space as well as his thoughts. So I have a blog for each goal. :)

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