In times long past, an entity known as Bahlactuscalled forth his fellow chroniclers to tell stories of the multiverse’s greatest combats. Now Spacebooger continues the mission.

Friday Night Fights:

Onomatopoeia Round 3

Autobots vs. Decepticons

 I missed out on the first two rounds, and all of Bahlactus’s callings. But now I’m here, and bringing the metal. Frankly, there haven’t been enough Transformers in these fights. That changes now!

 Tale of the Tape

BATTLEFIELD: The Transformers #4 (Marvel Comics)

STORYTELLERS:

Writer: Jim Salicrup

Penciler: Frank Springer:

Inkers: Akin & Garvey

Letterer: John Workman

Colorist:Nel Yomtov

Pre-Fight

Marvel created a four-part miniseries based on the hot new Hasbro property. There was some deviations from the cartoon (also produced by Marvel Animation), but one part stayed the same. Both factions crash-land on Earth 4,000,000 years ago (give or take a few hours), and wake up to bring their war to our world. (Oooh, catchy. Someone should use that.) In the previous issue, the Decepticons forced potential Autobot ally Irwin “Sparkplug” Witwicky, an auto mechanic in the comics, to create a process to convert Earth fuels into something a Transformer can run on. (Don’t ask.) Although rescued by the Autobots and Spider-Man (in an obligatory cameo, although this comic would later be considered out of 616/Marvel Proper), Sparkplug did indeed give them a formula. This didn’t sit well with some of them who branded him a traitor. The stress, however, gave the frail human a heart attack, which means no fuel for the Autobots.

A lost scene from M*A*S*H*

Ratchet takes the human and his son “Buster” (not, Spike, long story) to the hospital, but the Decepticons are fully fueled and ready to go. With a number of Autobots already out of action due to previous issues, only five Autobots stand ready; Optimus Prime, Huffer, Ironhide, Mirage, and Bluestreak.

The Fight!:

The doorbell was working.

Megatron, leader of the Decepticons, offers Prime a chance to surrender. Prime’s not having any of it, and waits for the Decepticons to make the first move. The bird Cassettecons (not an official term for those little robots who live in Soundwave’s chest) are chased off by Mirage, who is attacked by Ravage

At this point, Ravage decided to return to his diet plan.

Meanwhile, a subplot involving the search for lost Autobots who ended up in the Savage Land pops up. (It’s important later.)

Foreshadowing is my cousin. She's cryptic.

The battle doesn’t go well for the Autobots. Remember, the Decepticons are fully fueled and raring to go. The Autobots, however, drained their friends gas tanks, and there are only five online. (Not counting Ratchet, who is still playing ambulance. How’s Sparky, by the way?

This is why they won't let him in the Mechanic's Union.

Wait, why should be care about that stinkin’ little trai…wait, Irwin, you little devil you!

And they all lived happily ever after.

Yep, had the Autobots listened to him instead of giving him a stroke, they would have learned that he messed with the fuel he gave the ‘Cons. So now they’re dead (relatively speaking–they are robots), and the miniseries ends on a high note.

Wait, I’m forgetting something. Oh, yeah, the fights are supposed to end with a major sound effect!

Or not.

How do you like that? Since Marvel realized that this comic was making them money they decided to continue the series. And how else to end than with a cliffhanger?

Dun dun duuuunnn!

That’s right, kids. Remember that robot who was dug out of the ground? It was Shockwave, who was lost in the Savage Land after a stalemate battle with the Dinobots (who in the comics weren’t part of Ratchet and Wheeljack’s school science project, but their own Transformers). Now he’s back to start an all new story arc that will last from issues 5-12.

The Aftermath:

Shockwave goes on to assume command of the Decepticons, as new writer Bob Budiansky, editor of this comic and part of the staff that created the toy line’s back-story for Hasbro, goes on to bring the world of the Transformers to life. Comic Shockwave didn’t sit around Cybertron waiting for his loving master to come home like a lonely puppy. This one has bite, and told Megatron he screwed up the mission (which Megatron created in the comics). That won’t end well for anybody, but I’ll save that story for another time!