Opening logo to the Star Wars films

Image via Wikipedia

It’s time again to play “what they said/what I say”, the game where I look at someone’s list and tell you where I think they’re right and where I think they’re not.

So George Lucas can’t seem to stop tweaking Star Wars. As he gets older his “vision” for the franchise changes as well and he demands that the movies change with it. It’s kind of sad, really, to see someone who is that unsatisfied with one of the most important works in fiction, not just movies or sci-fi. I guess he’s adding some bits to the upcoming Blu-Ray release, most of which nobody asked for.

(Frankly, if he wants to “fix” one of his movies, he should go with THX-1138. Man, I hate that movie.)

IO9 put out a list of fixes they’d like to see. Some of these suggestions may well be intended as a joke, but I still disagreed with most, but not all, of their suggestions and instead of just stuffing it into the Weekly Wrap-Up, I decided to make an article out of it. So read their article first and then come back here to see where they need Yoda’s teachings.

I’m not going over all 16 items because some of them I don’t care about (Mara Jade as one of Jabba’s dancing-girls? Really IO9?), but here are the ones I have an opinion on.

"I wouldn't mind a babe pilot. {wink, wink}"

Women Pilots?

THEY SAY: “While the rebellion has its fair share of skinny white girl commanders, but where are the female fighter pilots? The only female pilot we see is Padmé Amidala, and she’s not really flying around Top Gun style. We’d love to see a few more female fighter pilots.

TRONIX SAYS: First, get your See & Say jokes out of the way. This is the layout I’m going with. On one level I agree that the lack of female characters in the movies is disappointing. It wasn’t until Attack of the Clones that we saw a number of females who could kick butt, and they were all Jedi. Clone Wars has done a better job of females who can do stuff, again all Jedi. I can’t think of a single female Rebel besides Leia. I would also add the absence of female officers among the Empire (outside of the novels and comics) in the franchise. Assuming the Stormtroopers are still clones, no female solders are a given.

I would note, however, that today female fighter pilots are rare. (Whether its concerns about how well a woman can fly a fighter in combat or the lack of women who want to BE fighter pilots isn’t the issue. Let’s assume both and stay on target topic.) I’m assuming this was also the case in the 70’s, when the first film came out. I’m not sure shoving them in there (avoiding a dirty-sounding comment best I can, people) is really a benefit to the story, and whether it works (restoring Jabba’s scene) or not (adding nos as Vader attacks the Emperor) female pilots wouldn’t serve that goal.

She just wants to be loved, people. Not that way, you pervs! She's like 13!

Make the “Shaak Ti execution” deleted scene into Ahsoka Tano Death

THEY SAY:While we really loved the Shaak Ti character in the video game Star Wars: The Force Unleashed (or rather her dark side-turned apprentice Maris Brood) it would be pretty exciting to watch the Anakin’s baby apprentice Ahsoka Tano (from The Clone Wars) die a horrible death in an actual Star Wars film.

TRONIX SAYS: I don’t follow Star Wars fanfic. Is Ahsoka the Daniel Witwicky of the Star Wars fandom? For non-Transformers fans, Daniel is Spike’s son, first appearing in the animated movie (aka the good theatrical Transformers story) and being a regular in season 3. Certain Transformers fans hate him so much that they write fanfic where Daniel dies like Kenny from South Park. Frankly, considering Daniel is 12 at best, this disturbs me even if he is fictional.

I realize that there are fans that hate Ahsoka specifically and the Lucasfilm Clone Wars cartoon in general. While that’s for another article, the same rule applies. Ahsoka is a kid. (“Baby apprentice”? Again, really IO9?) Plus, I like watching her as a character. I know one of fans’ problems with the show is that we know how all this ends (and yet Tartakovsky’s version gets nothing but praise from fans I’ve seen bring it up), but I like watching these characters to the point that I’m willing to ignore Revenge of the Sith, and aren’t we all willing to ignore the prequels? Ahsoka has grown as a character and she plays well off of Anakin, a testament to their voice actors (the same for Obi-Wan and Anakin). Give the girl a break, would you?

Yeah, that just screams "pimp daddy". I wonder if using IO9's section titles was the right idea.

Let Han Solo Be The Pimp That He Is

THEY SAY: A lot of great Han Solo scenes were cut out of the original trilogy. But this new release is the perfect time to include a lot more of Han doing what Han does best, making our hearts melt. Let’s put these two Han scenes back in for extra Solo time, but leave out the deleted clip where he’s acting like a sexist prick.

TRONIX SAYS: I find it fascinating that IO9 has a problem with Han not shooting first (which they’re right) and yet have a problem with Han saying the line “You’re so busy being a Princess, you don’t know how to be a woman. I could have helped you”.  (Apparently Han being a “ladies man” is just fine, however. Check the lady in the first deleted scene.) I’d like ALL THREE scenes back because they show who Han Solo is at that point in the saga. Look, I find Han more interesting than Luke myself (although I do like watching Luke’s evolution more than his dad’s), but there is some serious bias from the author here. Take the flaws with the strengths and as Dinobot once said, let them be judged accordingly.

The reason I went with a toy shot becomes clear soon.

Give Boba Fett The Ambiguous Death He Deserves

THEY SAY: Boba Fett’s death is easily one of the all time biggest disappointments. We know that in the Star Wars novels the bounty hunter fights his way out of the sarlacc pit, so why not re-edit this scene and make his “death” look a lot more ambiguous. Add a tight shot of a gloved Boba hand holding an explosive device, then boom cut! This allows fans for hope for their favorite Star Wars action figure.

TRONIX SAYS: Wait, that’s the source of popularity of Boba Fett, Star Wars‘s answer to Wolverine? His action figure? Fine, his armor is cool, but he’s the only SW character to have LESS personality in original trilogy than the prequels, and even then all he had in the prequel timeframe is that as a kid a Jedi killed his father. I’ve seen him do more in the fan-hated Clone Wars cartoon than in the original movies. Fans and one of the writers of the Extended Universe stories decided they could do more with him and did, fine. But for Yoda’s sake, people, just get over it! Han got his payback, Boba got what he deserved, END OF STORY!

The rest of their list is the usual Ewok/Jar-Jar hate, some complaint about the new song in Jabba’s Palace (I was more annoyed by changing the victory song at the end of ROTJ), and apparently people in the comments want Anakin’s father to be either Qui-Jong or Palpatine, which is probably the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard from this franchise and that’s includes midi-clorians. You may or may not be wondering just what I would like to see done? Well, you’ll just have to wait until tomorrow to find out.

About ShadowWing Tronix

A would be comic writer looking to organize his living space as well as his thoughts. So I have a blog for each goal. :)

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