I wish I could go back to the 80’s and tell my fellow Christians that if your kids are thinking that He-Man is “master of the universe” (I remember this in one story) that a) the toyline is called Masters of the Universe and He-Man is simply the most powerful man and b) God is more powerful than He-Man, and in fact He-Man would get along fine with God.

I bring this up only because I had no other way to introduce this week’s Fight as we once again hit the mini-comics to see He-Man fight a god. And the gods of Eternia, or at least the one we meet, are kind of wussy. Just saying.

“Marvelous” round 9

The Battlefield: Masters of the Universe mini-comic #6 (DC Comics/Mattel, 1982) “The Magic Stealer”

The Promoters: Gary Cohn (writer), Mark Texeira (artist), Tod Smith (inker) and Anthony Tollin (colorist)

Skeletor found a magic stealing machine in the arctic and while someone may ask HOW Skeletor found a magic-stealing machine I’m more curious as to who the heck build such a thing and stuck it in the arctic. I mean, does anybody ever think “well, this could easily be used to destroy the world, why don’t we just destroy it?” and save everyone from the horror about to befall the world? (See also Point Dread.) Anyway, so powerful is the lure of the machine that as He-Man goes to do what his ancestors should have done when thing was built in the first place it even draws out a god.

And you thought Atlas had a hard job.

Yes, they actually have a god who holds the world together named Procrustus. You see why gay jokes are the least thing you should be worried about on Eternia? This guys sneezes and a whole continent could go flying off. You would think that Skeletor’s little play toy wouldn’t be able to lure a god to do…wait, why is Procrustus drawn to this thing and no other god mentioned? This thing draws magic, and I don’t know of any other magic user being drawn in. What would he do when he gets there, mate with it or something? This is what it looks like, by the way.

I wonder if Skeletor gets cable?

Not exactly my kind of clubhouse, but I’m not a skull-headed conqueror of the universe. Yeah, I have a lot of questions about this scene, like how do you pad out a mini-comic? Anyway, He-Man doesn’t like when people slack off on their job, especially when that job is keeping his house from flying into the heavens.

The way the balloon in panel 2 is done, it looks like Procrustus wants He-Man to do his job for him. I'm sure he could, but what a lazy god.

That’s right, a god powerful enough to hold the entire planet together just got beaten not by He-Man directly but one shot from the Attak Trak. Good thing he doesn’t have shoes or he’d trip over the laces. Remind me not to build a summer home on Eternia unless it has it’s own oxygen supply and gravity source. It will probably end up as a low-budget Space 1999.

click to vote in this week's tournament

Be sure to head for Spacebooger.com and vote in this week’s Friday Night Fight. The winners will head for a prize fight in hopes of winning a prize. And if your not busy holding the world together, feel free to join us by submitting your own entry next round. If you are busy holding the world together, however, please keep doing so. Just because I’m a science fiction fan doesn’t mean I want to be an astronaut.


About ShadowWing Tronix

A would be comic writer looking to organize his living space as well as his thoughts. So I have a blog for each goal. :)

5 responses »

  1. […] He-Man  (ShadowWing Tronix) […]

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  2. jan says:

    Wow, and I thought Kronus got punked out easily in the “God of War” games. This Procrustus guy wouldn’t even merit a QTE.

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    • Hey, long time no see. The oddest part is that this scene kind of takes space away from the final battle between He-Man and Skeletor over the magic-stealing machine. The MOTU mini-comics had less story space than a regular comic of the time (although close to comics of today) so why take that extra time? I don’t recall any Eternian gods (just the occasional demon) popping up in any of the other comics, or at least the ones I’ve read.

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  3. […] anyway, even with crazed air spirits all over the place waiting to attack them! Of course, He-Man just a few pages earlier beat a god with a laser cannon to the ankles, so he’s not […]

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  4. […] all the powers of a proverbial god (though lacking in omnipotence so one of the weaker gods…still better than Procrustus) but uses his powers to help others instead of personal gain. Lifting a desk to get a pen is pretty […]

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