Fall Preview Week: The CW

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While Ion and My TV Network just show reruns of other networks’ shows, the WB and UPN survived by doing the fusion dance (DragonBall Z reference) to become the CW. With Smallville finally out of my nightmares the picture, the network will be adding five new shows to their lineup. While the other networks had two pages devoted to their shows, one for trailers and one for descriptions, on Entertainment Weekly’s site they were on the same page with only the schedule on the other page. So let’s finish this week and see what they’re hitting us with.

The Ringer

Sarah Michelle Gellar stars as Bridget, who is six months sober and starting to turn her life around when she is the sole witness to a professional hit. Despite the assurances of her FBI protector, Agent Victor Machado (Nestor Carbonell), Bridget knows her life is on the line. She flees to New York, telling no one, not even her Narcotics Anonymous sponsor, Malcolm. In New York, Bridget reunites with her estranged twin, Siobhan (also Gellar). Wealthy, pampered and married to the strikingly handsome Andrew Martin (Ioan Gruffudd), Siobhan lives what appears to be a fairy tale life — a life where no one knows that Bridget exists. The sisters seem to be mending their frayed relationship, until Siobhan disappears mysteriously, and Bridget makes the split decision to take on her sister’s identity. She discovers shocking secrets, not only about her sister and her marriage, but also about Siobhan’s best friend, Gemma (Tara Summers), and Gemma’s husband, Henry (Kristoffer Polaha). And when someone tries to kill Bridget in her sister’s penthouse, she realizes she is no safer as Siobhan than she is as herself.

What’s more striking? How convoluted this all sounds or the fact that their parents gave one daughter a normal name like Bridget and names the other “Siobhan”? What does that even mean?

Hart of Dixie

Fast-talking New Yorker and brand new doctor Zoe Hart (Rachel Bilson) has it all figured out — after graduating top of her class from medical school, she’ll follow in her father’s footsteps and become a cardiothoracic surgeon. But when her dreams fall apart, Zoe decides to accept an offer from a stranger, Dr. Harley Wilkes, to work with him at his small practice in Bluebell, Ala. Zoe arrives in this small Gulf Coast town only to find that Harley has passed away and left his half of the medical practice to her in his will. She quickly finds that Southern hospitality isn’t always so hospitable — the other doctor in town, Brick Breeland, is less than pleased to be sharing the practice with this young outsider, and his daughter, Lemon (Jaime King), is a Southern belle whose sweet disposition turns sour when she meets Zoe. Zoe’s only allies are the mayor, former football star Lavon Hayes (Cress Williams), her bad-boy neighbor Wade Kinsella (Wilson Bethel), and handsome lawyer George Tucker (Scott Porter) –- who just happens to be Lemon’s fiancé. Zoe is out of her element and ready to pack her bags, but a surprise visit by her snobby New York mother leads to Zoe’s decision to stay in Bluebell for a while, discovering small-town life and a side of herself she hadn’t known was there.

So if Suburgatory wasn’t a stupid idea it would be this. I would give it a season and write it off, but this sounds like something that might gather enough of a cult following to hang on awhile. I wish it luck.

The Secret Circle

Cassie Blake (Britt Robertson) was a happy, normal teenage girl — until her mother Amelia dies in what appears to be a tragic accidental fire. Orphaned and deeply saddened, Cassie moves in with her warm and loving grandmother Jane in the beautiful small town of Chance Harbor, Wash. — the town her mother left so many years before — where the residents seem to know more about Cassie than she does about herself. As Cassie gets to know her high school classmates, including sweet-natured Diana (Shelley Hennig) and her handsome boyfriend Adam (Thomas Dekker), brooding loner Nick (Louis Hunter), mean-girl Faye (Phoebe Tonkin) and her sidekick Melissa (Jessica Parker Kennedy), strange and frightening things begin to happen. When her new friends explain that they are all descended from powerful witches, and they’ve been waiting for Cassie to join them and complete a new generation of the Secret Circle, Cassie refuses to believe them — until Adam shows her how to unlock her incredible magical powers. But it’s not until Cassie discovers an old leather-bound book of spells hidden in her mother’s childhood bedroom that she understands her true and dangerous destiny. What Cassie and the others don’t yet know is that darker powers are at play, powers that might be linked to the adults in the town, including Diana’s father (Gale Harold) and Faye’s mother (Natasha Henstridge) — and that Cassie’s mother’s death might not have been an accident.

As long is can stay away from being Twilight or The Craft it might have its own cult following. I won’t be following either show, mind you.

H8R

Celebrities go head-to-head with civilians who hate them to win their “haters” over. Hosted by Mario Lopez.

You could do an entire season on Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black alone. Personally, I want to hate on whomever thought that using leet speak (which I assume that is, not being a text messenger and occasionally rewriting Twitter posts to fit the character limit) as a title for the show. The clips give us Snookie from Jerzy Shore, and I have no idea who the other girl is. If that turns out to be Jennifer Lopez or something I will be yelled at. Eh, might be good for a laugh or two.

Remodeled (set for midseason)

Modeling industry veteran Paul Fisher is planning to bring together hundreds of small agencies around the world in a new venture called The Network. The Network will give Paul the leverage to change the industry from the inside out. He has two missions: to make sure agents in small towns no longer get screwed, and to empower models to take control of their careers and lead healthier lives.

I have to show to this clip first.

It’s hilarious! Personally, if this were hosted by Mr. T it would be a lot more interesting. Besides, he’s a bit of a jerk in this clip.

Depends on what the job is asking for, isn’t it? What if you don’t want a glamor girl/boy, eh?

The Frame (set for midseason)

What happens when your whole life is reduced to one Frame? There’s only one rule: if you’re out of the Frame, you’re out of the game. Ten teams of two, chosen for their dynamic personalities and their existing deep-rooted relationships, are selected to compete in this wild social experiment. These teams will each live in one Frame — a stripped down version of their home living space — for up to 8 weeks, with the entire world watching their inter-personal soap operas play out atop a highly formatted game. Couples cannot physically see one another, but each “frame” is rigged with plasma screens & communication devices that allow for visual and verbal interaction. The teams will face outrageous challenges, punishments, head-to-head competitions, and eliminations, all while isolated from the outside world. With 24/7 web cams streaming content live, and a bi-weekly television show, audiences will vote for — and have control over — many elements of the show, from rewards to punishments to eliminations. The last couple standing will be America’s favorite pair, and walk away with a cash prize.

No matter what insult I gave the rest of the offering this season, I officially declare this the dumbest idea this season, if not of reality game show TV ever. And that includes Hole In The Wall, because that could at least be an event in a full game show.

And that’s what the CW is offering, in other words not much. So now that our preview week is over, which new shows will you people be watching? I think Once Upon a Time and Whitney are the only ones I’d really bother watching.

Catch the rest of Fall Preview Week

• Fall Preview Week: ABC
• Fall Preview Week: NBC
• Fall Preview Week: CBS
• Fall Preview Week: Fox